Jim is not safe for fat women.But an important place for me

私は太った女性で、アスリートでもある。3年前からウェイトトレーニングをしている。

When I started, entering the weight room was to step into the famous areas for men.The use of weight rooms, especially for many women, means that you will be in a close and intimidating gym.

Three years have passed, but that evaluation has not changed.But the gym has become a place for my peace.I've always thought I wouldn't be good at sports, but my body proved that it was a mistake.

In our culture, gender is related to the gym -related idea of who and why they move.This is not always the case, but aerobic machine that enhances cardiopulmonary function tends to have many female users.It is used by women who are healthy, supple and tight, are smaller, literal, and are trying to reduce their occupied space.

On the other hand, the weight room is created so that men are comfortable.It's a place for those who want to build a body to be stronger, bigger, and to occupy a larger space.

The gym always has all gender athletes and occupies each place.I am not the only one who is a weight -like woman, and in recent years it has been increasing, but here I will talk about it in general.I rarely see the fact that the majority of women are lifting the bar in the weight room (if you see them, please tell them which gym).

I've been fat since I was a child, and I lost my interest in most sports because of my mental trauma in physical education classes.I wasn't bullied, but I felt painful enough.In one -mile run, it was finally chosen by the members of the bilk and dodgeball, and school uniforms did not fit the child size.It was clear that all of these were saying.There is nothing created for me.Exercise was one of the punishment.If you can shrink and become smaller, inconvenience will be reduced.

I did not stop exercising.But she was starting to hate it.The exercise was getting scared, so I took a dance class instead.I spent an irritating time with an erotic machine (a machine that moves like an elliptical), treadmills, and roin machines, when I want to escape from my body and kill time.I imagined that I was somewhere else in my head, so that I didn't have to be sweat, breathing, the sound of time, and my dissatisfaction with myself.

College's gym had a weight room.I just went to stretch.There was no one with a body shape like me, so my feet were far away.You can't start safely without anyone who teaches how to do it.Above all, what if it looks bad or weak?What if I was struggling with the machine?What if I couldn't do it well?

By that time, I understood that as a woman, I had never been allowed to fail.It is not allowed to do something below average.Because I represented my gender and all the members, and was responsible for their future opportunities in this field.If I couldn't achieve it at least once, I would be disappointed with all the women, including myself.It will be difficult to get it seriously.So I didn't do it.I didn't want to do it.

In my twenties, I met a strong woman.Women who do bench presses and women riding a motorcycle.A quia woman wearing a short bread of Rainbow in the gym, a woman proudly posting photos of her muscles.In addition, a woman who is motivated, has his own style, and is unpretentious.They showed women in other ways and left them in the digital archive.I was experiencing strength and femininity as I thought.I really wanted to join them.

So I started training hard.At first, I worked with a big trainer called Rose.This is the first person who said, "I can be a strong body."She was wonderful, cooperative and creative.

At first, I felt that I was usually weak and exposed and incompetent.I always cried as soon as I left the gym.He cried and went to the bus stop, and half of the road was crying even after getting on the bus.I was convinced that it would never work.

But after two months, I could do it well.Then, I started thinking that there were other things that did not reach my own because no one said, "You can do it."

What kind of belief did you have about your body?What will change if you remove thinning from my final goal of my exercise?What is that instead?And I started lifting.

For the first few months of lifting, he was humiliated.In the underground weight room with a bright light, like "Supermarket Sweep" (American quiz program that is progressing while purchasing products at a supermarket), it is a solid man who attaches to the bar while choosing a plate happily.Surrounded by us, I was struggling with a mini -sized plate like "Silver Daler Pancake", which imitated the size of the old dollar coin.

I had a trainer who listened to hope.He was particular about the form and was pleased with my progress.

"Isn't it impossible to train all over the world, no matter how hard you train, is it impossible?"Nevertheless, I believed that my body must be against the laws of nature for some reason.

I wasn't so happy that I was wrong.In my late 20s, I was nervous because of various things, but I found healing to do simple tasks.A few hours when I couldn't do multitasking without being touched by a mobile phone was peaceful.

I wasn't satisfied immediately, but over time, I was delighted to train my body.A few months after the 2016 election, she was able to sleep well on the day she lifted.In an uncertain world, I enjoyed controlling one thing myself.And slowly, I began to feel the joy of achieving.

I started lifting weights of weight I had never imagined before.For the first time, we set a high goal of lifting a weight of the same weight as his father's weight with a deadlift.When I was able to do it, I called my father and was pleased together.

Although the shape did not change, it became easy to carry shopping bags.He was able to kayak for hours without feeling tired.You can now put your luggage on the shelves above without hesitation.

We generally think that fat people should exercise more, but from their experience, it is not so.It is hard to find a reasonable price, high -sized, high -sized sportswear, and it is almost impossible to buy it at most stores.

The gym advertisement uses the words that burning fat and hungry.For many people, my appearance is "before" and my body in a terrible nightmare.Even a gym that has been going for years is still a matter of saying, "Congratulations on your first gym."An unknown person gives me some advice to lose weight, or encourages me without asking.We don't want people who are fat to train more.I want people who are fat to be gone.

Recently, I decided to go to a new gym with my friends.It was an attractive old -fashioned smell, usually vacant, and had machines for muscle training that we needed for our training.And most of the women in the weight room were us.We often have mats and squat racks, far from others.

Earlier, when I was doing a deadlift, my friend noticed a man trying to draw our attention.He said to a friend that I should change my form, interrupt my training, and she should fix her form (by the way, this form change is what I do.It was not necessary, it was not physiologically profitable).

My friend saw him a little, but returned to the smartphone screen again.When I finished the training, she whispered to me, "Don't look at that person."A little ahead, one man was training his own style using a leg press machine, and he moved a heavy plate behind his neck.As you can see, no one would say his form.

I have always been seen by men and have lived with their existence, intentions, and hope.For 20 years, I've always been exposed to my gaze when I'm in public.He was commented every day and was evaluated.I don't remember the number of times threatened to rap.No matter where you are, wherever you go, I remind me that I am "non -regulated."I'm just a passing visitor, and I'm not allowed to demand my place.

For me, being fat and a woman means that my body does not belong to me.It's everyone's consumables.When I train, my body is exposed to a man's gaze, as if in a circular facility.

My existence in fitness is still considered non -specified, subject to interest, and exceptions.I am hoped to be grateful for being allowed.And too many people (almost male, not a trainer) think that it is my job to train me correctly, and it is obliged to remember who is actually in the place.thinking.

As an athlete aiming to improve my muscles, I always involve people like these gatekeepers.It is set, evaluated, and criticized.It is called.

When all the machines are buried, I usually ask me when to end.During my training, men do not refuse and pull out the plate from my rack.Even if there is a plate elsewhere else.

Get advice to "don't be too muscular" or "don't be masculine."I decide to claim my border.He told me that they don't want their advice, and that strangers are not interested, no matter what their body.

In addition, people who accept harmful opinions regarding the differences in the size of the body and the gender are gentle in case of possible.Thanks to the time and experience, I realized that these people rarely actually say me.Rather, I was a saucer of their fears and worries.

Recently, when thinking about weights, I usually think about increasing rather than reducing.Add plates to the bar to lift, squat, and press.In genetics and hormones, I never lose weight.But it can be strong.

When helping to move, or when it is difficult to go to the coin laundry with a heavy laundry bag, when a boyfriend grabs my upper arm, I feel deep affection for my body.It doesn't look like you're spending a certain time in the gym, but I don't care anymore.When I start training, it's just surprising.

On the Internet, the familiar people say, "Is the health side OK?"They think that they know my medical history, health status, how much care they are, and their daily habits.Recently, those who are worried about my health can be donated for me to donate gym members, hospital medical treatment, and food expenses (if you're so worried).ing.

Health is not something that can be evaluated just by looking at it, and it is not necessary to prove it to others to justify and quantify my value.Gaining perfect health is not a permit to get your place on this earth.What did the teacher tell you in elementary school?Focus on what you do.

When lifting a heavy barbell, use a strap so that you can hold the bar firmly.Prepare your breathing.Probably, for the first time that day, inhale and vomit consciously.Souch and put effort into your abs.With an elegant operation, find a space like a solar eclipse in front of you and erase the noise of the gym.Both the inside and the outside voice are ambiguous, the brain of the multitasking calms down, and I am a tool for only one function.

Stand up, pull the bar up from the ground, and float hundreds of pounds and rubber in the air.Challenge those who have been negative for 30 years, challenge themselves, challenge thermodynamics, and move the stopped objects.Perfect and simple.

My mother sent a wonderful news last week.She said she had a deadlift for the first time.Inspired by the gym videos that I occasionally put on social media, acquaintances sent me a message that I started training again.

I asked the gym to run up and how to be able to raise a heavy weight.Enthusiasm is transmitted.I am proud that I am a transferee.It was inherited by senior women, a pioneer in weight room.

I've been living for a long time, as others are comfortable.I've been afraid of my skills as much as fearing my incompetence.The weight room is a place to forget that useless things.For me, I hope that more women want to seek strength.Strength is a born right for many of us.But it has been suppressed by a society that fears our power while obsession with our body.

This article was translated and edited from English.Translation: Mitsuko Asano / Galileo, Edit: BuzzFeed Japan