Everyone was next to the abuse "I hit, yelled ..." Sukusuku editorial team roundtable discussion [Confession] That may have been abuse [Countermeasure] Sweets, windows ... That hand of bitterness [Background] " I'm afraid to think "What's that parent?" [Prevention] How can I stop it? Attention selected by the editorial team!Squishy voice
A Now that she is in elementary school, her daughter is returning home and returned to her home about a month after her birth. Since I was transferred just before her childbirth, I had no friends in my neighborhood, my husband was busy with work, and I almost never stayed at home when my child was awake, so I often returned home late at night or in the morning. On her first parenting, she was always tense when she was with her baby all day long. She was relieved to think she "finally slept" one night, but when she soon cried, she instinctively said to her daughter crying on the duvet. I was muttering. She was surprised to hit her baby with such words. But if this were to be cornered more, she wondered if it would be possible for her crying baby to be suffocated with a futon.
B She was always calm and polite, and Mr. A was surprised. But crying at night as a baby is really easy to get rid of. I remember even though I was my own child, I even felt scared of crying. I'm still lacking sleep, my nerves aren't resting, and I feel like I have no way out, "Is this going on forever?"
A member of the "Tokyo Sukusuku" editorial team, who discusses experiences such as corporal punishment for children and thinks about ways to eliminate them.
C It's hard to do around the age of two or three, which is said to be the "unpleasant period." At first I told my mischievous boy, "Let's stop," but I was frustrated that I kept doing it without listening to anything. He grabbed her shoulder and shook it strongly, saying in a strong tone, "You said you wouldn't do it anymore!" For my son, it was the first time my parents had hurt me, so I instantly got stiff and cried a few seconds later. Looking at the expression of my son at that time, I knew well that I was afraid. Even now, I don't even look at the rice I made, and when I'm told that I want to eat something else, I sometimes feel black.
When D-daughter was 2 years old, she couldn't stand the sound of hitting the table with a spoon over and over again, shouting "This is how it's done! It's noisy!" I've stolen it and slammed it on the table. Her daughter was taken aback and looked at me. I still remember the air that was the scene at that time and the eyes of her daughter. There are still scratches on the table at that time, and every time I see it, I feel horrified.
B I also hit when my boy was 2 years old. I have a plan to work that I can't be late for, but in the morning, my boy was squirming at the front door before going to the nursery school, and I couldn't go out. Even if I managed to hug him, I couldn't do what I wanted, and I struck my cheeks unintentionally. How did you take your crying son to the nursery school? I still remember my little red cheeks.
E I haven't hit it, but I'm yelling at it every day. Sometimes I have to take my work home, but only at that time my child will be spoiled for "mama, mama". When I run out of room, I sometimes strongly say, "Shut up for a moment!" Or "Go somewhere!" When I get frustrated with my children all the time on holidays, I sometimes take them to the park and say "play alone" and open my computer to work. ..
F I'm very frustrated and often yell. The yelling voice that I am paying attention to is the loudest. There are times when I'm sick of dealing with my husband's children, wondering "what about that?" If you try to brush your teeth and don't hear your child say "I don't like it", you can use a smartphone app that has scary demons to scare you. When I have a job or have a TV I want to watch, I shout "Go to bed quickly!" Or put it out on the balcony for a while.
G It's when all the children get emotional because they don't understand what they say. I give sweets when I'm sick. Show your smartphone and show your TV. Once, when I went to the nursery school, I was asked, "I don't know anymore," leaving the child behind, and I went out alone, but it took more time and it was counterproductive. If that makes the child feel better, it's better than yelling or hitting.
A "Human eyes" may be a deterrent. We try to keep the windows open as much as possible. By keeping the yelling voice heard by your neighbors, you can suppress yourself a little even if you are irritated. It may be different with or without a husband. I feel that it is often the only one and the children who yell and use dirty words. Also, if I was worried that I wouldn't eat, my senior mom advised me at the nursery school's parent-teacher association, "Isn't it frustrating? It would be interesting to try a live broadcast." "Now, XX, I lifted my chopsticks. Will I eat radish today?" (Laughs). If you try to arbitrate fights like that, it seems that the children will soon become ridiculous.
E In trains and other places where there are other people, there is a fear that when a child makes a noise or kneads his / her body, he / she may be called "what that parent" if his / her parents do not scold him tightly. I dare to say "how to show anger". But this may be unique to Japan. In Switzerland, when we hear that we do not see parents yelling at their children in public, there are some parts that cannot be changed by parents alone unless the awareness that "it is not good to yell at children" is spread throughout society. I wondered if there was one.
A You may understand. When my siblings, who are close to my age, started making noise while riding the train, I couldn't even scold them in a loud voice, and I sometimes got angry.
G I think there are many people who think that corporal punishment is unavoidable if she is for discipline. For example, when a child does something that should never be done, such as hurting another child.
C Hmm. But when I was in elementary school, I still think that I can't forgive the fact that I was angry with my teacher because I didn't think I had failed. Even if I try to teach it by hitting it, I think it just leaves me feeling that I didn't like it. The frustration I feel when raising children is completely different from work. I feel like I can't escape.
B After hitting my son, I inadvertently called her mother at her parents' house and said, "I hit her," crying. Her mother said, "Even if you happen to get your hand out once, it won't be an indelible wound, so it's okay." The nursery teacher also seemed to notice something was wrong in the morning, and I was able to calm down by having him listen to me when I was picked up that day. If there are people who do not deny themselves and accept them, I think they will not have to escalate.
A Anyway, it doesn't matter whether it's a children's house or a meeting for parents and children in the nursery area, so I think it's time to go outside. Various parents and children have the same worries as themselves or completely different worries. Just knowing that made me feel much better. Everyone has a black feeling, I'm not strange, this is okay.
E Listening to everyone's story, I was a little relieved that I wasn't the only one. Through interviews related to abuse, I was able to learn that corporal punishment and rants can hurt a child's brain, reducing their motivation to learn and leading to an unstable mental situation. I think that even if parents know this kind of knowledge and keep it somewhere in the corner of their head, it will help to stop it. Even if I make an inappropriate response such as hitting or yelling, I think it is important to return to the origin each time.
At Tokyo Sukusuku, I have told you that there are various consultations when parents are cornered while raising children. However, when it comes to consultation, I think that there are many people who are shy. You don't have to think about it exaggeratedly, but I wanted to tell you that you should call me like this first, so I asked the person in charge of a proven counseling agency for advice. I would be happy if you could refer to it. ↓ ↓ Click here for the article ↓ ↓ If you hit your child or yell at you ... "Call me for the time being" Anonymously OK? How should i talk I asked the counselor (November 29, 2019)